I revisited this old friend today and I realised how I am already miles away from where I was 6 month ago. 6 month ago I was on rediscovery mode, but I hadn’t realized on what a bumpy road I had embarked! I am still convince I am on the right path, but even I am struggling to follow. I can imagine that anyone who likes stability would get dizzy just witnessing the process. I know we are going through a transition period but that one is particularly violent, testing every ability to adjust quickly to each new environment. I get sea sick just thinking about it. I also thing that this kind of changes should happen in the half seasons. Going through it as winter is starting to bite is making it even more painful  Painful but somehow pleasurable; I don’t remember ever feeling so alive and raw in the same time, practising on my life lesson and inspired by my repertoire of insight more than ever before  I also start to envision the goal: a space and time where nether my life lessons or repertoire of insights will be necessary any more. It will be all me, as a whole, not just bits and pieces trying to collaborate to find the right order. Actually there is apparently no right order, so it’s probably just finding a way to get the pieces to collaborate.  Actually since there is no right order then whose to say they are not collaborating as I type. So really, I am just so near it, but knowing that I am already there, it is such a paradox. How do you take the jump, from there to here, knowing it doesn’t even exist and it is the fruit of my own imagination.

This is what I am practising right now, just taking each event as it is meant to be, it is so hard, it is violent to just work at letting the life go by. I feel I am being tested right now. It is a very peculiar feeling. it is a nice feeling. I would say that if 2 years ago I felt as I was in the belly of a caterpillar, I could say now that I feel like my wings are growing:-)