Is it that I can’t bare loneliness that I won’t let the voice in my head shut up? I certainly can’t be still and have them off. Maybe sometimes, when the car is fast, or when while dancing the musique takes over. But if I am still in the musique it still won’t shut up. I suppose it just means I haven’t grasped everything yet. It is once one understands everything, that the voice stops. That is the journey, stopping the voice, is that the same as dissolving the ego. You don’t need help any more so everyone leaves the building. I remember being there once, twice actually now. I know the feeling I am looking for, I know how to get there: by sharing what I know, even if it hasn’t got a title, a website or a price, I must just share it to get me there. That is my GPS, creativity is my fuel and I am the shell and I want everyone to get on board. Maybe instead of getting everyone on board I can just equip them of a GPS and help them find their fuel. Could that voice could be a calling rather than a murmur?

I revisited this old friend today and I realised how I am already miles away from where I was 6 month ago. 6 month ago I was on rediscovery mode, but I hadn’t realized on what a bumpy road I had embarked! I am still convince I am on the right path, but even I am struggling to follow. I can imagine that anyone who likes stability would get dizzy just witnessing the process. I know we are going through a transition period but that one is particularly violent, testing every ability to adjust quickly to each new environment. I get sea sick just thinking about it. I also thing that this kind of changes should happen in the half seasons. Going through it as winter is starting to bite is making it even more painful  Painful but somehow pleasurable; I don’t remember ever feeling so alive and raw in the same time, practising on my life lesson and inspired by my repertoire of insight more than ever before  I also start to envision the goal: a space and time where nether my life lessons or repertoire of insights will be necessary any more. It will be all me, as a whole, not just bits and pieces trying to collaborate to find the right order. Actually there is apparently no right order, so it’s probably just finding a way to get the pieces to collaborate.  Actually since there is no right order then whose to say they are not collaborating as I type. So really, I am just so near it, but knowing that I am already there, it is such a paradox. How do you take the jump, from there to here, knowing it doesn’t even exist and it is the fruit of my own imagination.

This is what I am practising right now, just taking each event as it is meant to be, it is so hard, it is violent to just work at letting the life go by. I feel I am being tested right now. It is a very peculiar feeling. it is a nice feeling. I would say that if 2 years ago I felt as I was in the belly of a caterpillar, I could say now that I feel like my wings are growing:-)