There are 2 ways to approach life, our way or everyone else’s way. One way or another, we are here to learn lessons, some lessons, it is just the way it is offered to us which will differ.  When we follow our way, those lesson’s are offered in a playful way, like in an interactive game. If we chose the other way, or the other’s ways, then the lesson can’t be dealt with, because it ain’t our way! So instead, we stress out on how to sort out the lesson/problem, because it is probably someone’s way to look at it and to resolve it!

And oh my God it is easy to walk off track.  My personal dilemma  Do  I go along with that spiritual path who keeps calling me back for more or my rational mind reminding me that I leave in a very physical world, surrounded by very physical beings, who need me here, very much here at all time. So how do I council the 2 without denying one or the other and risking going off track. I have to walk the path of the middle, like a funanbule. What a challenge, and what a choice. You walk that fine middle path and your life’s lessons will feel playful and enriching or you step out and you get the tougher version, so tough sometimes that we feel lost, tired or overwhelmed.

I feel I have lost myself somewhere along the way, a long time ago. I have disconnected somehow. I look at my life and it is better than anything I could ever have imagined, but there is still something missing; like the ability to just enjoy it, in the most simple way. I am very much after that, but not just for myself, for everyone. I feel we are all somehow disconnected. But who am I to think that way of other people’s life. Why am I so obsessed by making everyone happy. I feel so fucking blessed already, why can’t I just relax and enjoy? Why do I feel I have to take dangerous drugs to explore and look further, to understand more, to give more happiness to people? Is that an excuse, is everyone else’s happiness is a reflect of my own lack? Probably. But the problem is then why do I always need more happiness, for myself or for others? I am convinced we can always push ourselves further, accomplish ourselves even more, when maybe I should just learn to enjoy what I have. I live surrounded by people that seem to be so blessed by everything they have, maybe I should learn from them. I have tried to learn from them. I have lived among such people for 10 years now and they are everything I am not. Maybe everything I aspire to be SO grounded, so sure of themselves, so comfortable that they never need to move, so contented. I aspire to contentment. This is why I am going off track tonight, in the search for contentment. Is contentment is just a matter of reconnecting. I look forward to find out? 

Even if from what I gather I am not likely to find anything I go searching for… but much more!