How funny that last night, trying to leave a comment to my Amsterdamer Guru, it made me log into this forgotten blog. And how weird that the last post I wrote was about about my slow paced path… when my conclusion to reading about his life was that he took the highway. I went to another of those meeting, in London this time.

Nowhere near as fabulous than the first one, because I felt the subject wasn’t for me, and I was ill, but still it bought me a massive realisation, it is that I do not like to be exposed. So then I wondered, do I need to be exposed? And still I am exposed, massively exposed for someone who likes a low profile. This blog is a typical exemple of my controversy, it’s online, I talk about it, but I’ve only given the key to Pablo and I know he wouldn’t read it. Still yesterday finding it back was the best thing that could have happened, because if it had been on paper like a lot of it is, it would be into a box and never read again by now. So it’s like me, visible and invisible in the same time.

Isn’t it weird that as years are taking their tools on me and I am slowly going to become invisible, I am slowly, oh so slowly, starting considering coming out of my shell? And to be honest I would not even have considered it, if twice in the same week it hadn’t been bought to my attention. First through having my star chart read and then being put in a hot spot and experience how uncomfortable it felt. I hated it, every minute of it, but it shed light on a very big aspect of myself: the one where I tell myself, I really hate to be exposed. Just thinking of being on the highway rather than hiding in the bush, analysing every aspect of it, is making me feel awkward and itchy. But if I am true to myself, I will say that my favourite time on earth is that Sunday night in Glastonbury, having slowly dropped my social shell over the week-end, I put the family to bed and go into the night, shell free and dance the night away amongst strangers. This is as raw as I get, not caring one bit to be exposed, Loving it even, because I know that the next day, the curtain will fall, the city will vanish by magic, taking away my wild secret. But I must say, it feels like my wild side is leaking out lately, trying to break through. Something is happening, a big reshuffle inside. I know where it is going, I’ve seen it in my soul plan and my stars and they agree on it. It feels good to have stepped toward it, no matter how long it might take!