That should be my new employee’s name! In the army of people apparently leaving in my head, I have just uncovered a new very useful one. He is Felix Fixit. Felix just likes to fix things, everything, whether it’s knitting or living, he just wants to fixit, everything and everyone! he’s not done a bad job on me actually because I have not always given much credit to the army of helpers up there, but lately I am becoming much better, And I wouldn’t be surprise that I got a bit of help from Felix. I mean I have been in pretty bad states, but Felix Fixit has always found a way or a thought to get me out of trouble’s hands. No matter how much I love trouble, Felix Fixit always came and rescued me from his evil ways! Trouble and his cousin Despair were my best companion for as far as I can remember. They were like a metal shutter and I couldn’t see past them, but Felix Fixit pulled the curtain and now I see better.

And now here I am again, calling him to the rescue to show me how to reconcile motherhood and true happiness. And the one tools he gives me: a blog… and what can I win if he can fix this one: another baby! Right now I have no faith in him. There is no way I am having another baby in this small flat with no prospect of a better future. Life is great as it is. Bring a number 4 in the equation and I am fucked, we are fucked! But it’s OK, ‘cause Felix Fixit has a plan. I can feel it! Since I know he is here and playing in my team, I must say I feel in a better place. I know he’s at work right now, I know his game; I have seen it all before… I can start to recognise the layout, the fittings, the work at play. It is very familiar and the more he’s been living there the more I got to know him and now I recognise his presence. He feeds on creativity and freedom, not on motherhood and devotion unfortunately, but may be this time he is here to show me the 4 are not so incompatible after all. For the first time I think I trust him. Well for the first time I know he is here! Before that I think I just called him luck, so I didn’t give him much power. Just a nice push here and there, to feel like I am on track, but not this time. This time I don’t just want to feel on track, I want him to show me the way. I have no idea how he’s going to manage that “tour de force”, to reconcile my 20’s and my 30’s, but if he pulls it off, it would be my 40’s best present… From myself to myself! Never better served than by the self as we say “chez moi!”

Must go I have a visitor… A real one:-)